To: Within From: The Almost Mother

*Part III of the 'Almost Trilogy'. Please see the other 2 parts of the series*

Dear Rhain,
Yes, I’ve named you… 
for my love for you is pure, despite your pain.
Begging your forgiveness I’m on my knees
There’s not much I can say so I’m begging PLEASE...
Forgive your foolish momma for not giving you the change to breathe
The chance to grow, the chance of in my arms to feel.
What I’ve stolen from you, baby, I can ne'er repay
My heart is hurting so bad I can’t find the words to say…
Sorry doesn’t even begin to express my ache
Ridding my body of you…for my own pride’s sake.
But what is public opinion compared to the right to live?
One should never take what they cannot give!
LIFE – just four letters…but means EVERYTHING
Lord I pray you’re riding on an angel’s wing.
I’m hoping you’re able to forgive me for this dreadful wrong
No matter how long it takes “forgive me” will always be on my tongue.
See, I’m not expecting you to understand my pain
For I forfeited a lifetime of love from you with nothing gained.
Baby, you don’t know the agony that I went thru
In the end I knew my life would be better - without you.
For I know the feel of hunger, neglect and public shame
And for my own child I didn’t want the same.
I knew I wasn’t ready but still I did the crime
But in the end, baby, I just couldn’t do the time.
In silence I tell myself that I had no choice
When it came to responsibility your Father instantly lost his voice.
I’m so sorry, baby, but love just isn’t enough to raise a child these days
So I cry for me as I will never get to see your tiny face.
I’ll never feel the warmth of your body pressed close to mine
I’ll never hear you laugh or see your little beady eyes shine.
I’ll never kiss your cheek and feel your love tingling on my lips
Or feel the pleasure of soothing your fears with my fingertips.
Baby, I can’t explain the hurt that I’m going through
All I can say is…I did this for you.
So again I beg, forgive me…for not heeding your silent plea
“Momma, how can you even think to do this to me?”

- Your Almost Mother

Dear Momma,

I hear your cry and I even feel the strength of your pain
But at the end of it all...it’s been everything lost but nothing gained.
You have no one else but yourself to blame
And for that, of you…I die in shame.

- Your Almost Child

NCD Lewis

Revised 2011