I Love Him.

I love him.

Even when my heart

shed tears of loneliness

and my soul lull in ruin

as it lay dormant in isolation

filled to overflowing

with the scent of emptiness;

which stinks.

I love him.

Even as my body recoils into its self

from lack of physical contact

with that which it desires most

- him.

And my mind quiver with memories

entwined with wishes, wants, wills -

wishing 

- (inaudibly)

wanting 

- (possessively)

willing 

- (unsuccessfully)

for my being to accept

the situation to which I contently concede.

Because I love him.

So I wait (im)patiently for him.

Nekisha CD Lewis

14/7/2012

I Wrote Him a Love Letter

With blue ink to white paper

I wrote him a love letter.

Handwritten;

not computerized generic letters.

Pouring the essence of me into it

with the stroke of every letter

and the curve of every word.

Every line carried tenderness

every sentence echoed love.

With blue ink to white paper

I wrote him a love letter.

I wrote about the evening we met

and about the moment I knew my heart was his.

I wrote about the many good memories I had

that would never have cemented a place in my heart

had it not been for him.

I wrote of the moments he wiped my tears;

even those sometimes caused by him.

I wrote of the moments I held him while he wept, silently;

silent tears sometimes inflicted by me.

I included the memory of the first time we held hands 

– publicly

The first time our lips met 

– sweetly

The first time he touched me 

– awkwardly

The first time he loved me 

– tenderly.

I included the memorable moments we laughed

and those quiet moments where nothing was said

yet everything was heard.

With blue ink to white paper

I wrote him a love letter.

I wrote him a love letter because

I couldn’t bring myself to utter the words

I so tenderly wrote

  - Its over -

Nekisha CD Lewis

23.06.2012

i need you

i need you

i need you in a way that defies comprehension

my heart beats to the rhythm of restlessness

when we are apart 

my soul craves your embrace;

to rest in the comfortable presence of your being

to touch and be touched

and to feel complete 

the pieces of my world falls into place

when I’m with you

like cracker to jack you are my caramel sweet 

i need you 

not because I can’t live without you;

i can

but that would just be me – existing

and I rather share one breath with you  – living 

i need you 

not because i can’t live without you

but because it brings me pleasure not to

Naked

Ravish me. 

Bottom to top then back again

with pauses only in places

that necessitate special attention.

Slip me out of my inhibitions

gently

and lay my insecurities bare

to your gaze

and love me. 

Disrobe the layers of my intellect

tenderly

and wrap your heart

around my thoughts

and love me. 

Unbutton the faucets of my being

amorously

and allow yourself to be

filled to capacity by me

and love me. 

Strip me of my doubts

permanently. 

Let your fingertips

imbed their signature

on my flesh

as they trace a path to my heart

that only you can follow.

Ravish me.

Top to bottom then back again

with pauses only in places

that necessitate special attention.

Heart.

Mind.

Soul.

Naked to your love, baby, 

ravish me.



Nekisha CD Lewis
15.02.2012

Falling

Careless.

Silly.

Perhaps a little of both.

But my mind can’t deny

what my heart is translating to it.

Mesmerized by just the thought of you

and me

becoming us

indefinitely.

I’m falling.



But before I lose myself

caught up in the

essence of your being,

I hereby make

the conscious decision

to love you.



Nekisha CD Lewis
08/2/211

Untitled

Yesterday,

you stole the words

I love you

from the comfort of my lips.

Today,

I give them to you

willingly.

Nekisha CD Lewis

3.2.2012

Perfection

“Your stature is like a palm tree, and your breasts are like its clusters. I say I will climb the palm tree and lay hold of its fruit. Oh may your breasts be like clusters of the vine, and the scent of your breath like apples” - Song of Solomon 7:7-8 

Two moulds of 

perfectly round

perfectly shaped 

mocha chocolate breasts.

Anxiously awaiting their sprout

from perfectly rounded

to perfectly cream filled.

Full on the love

that takes one plus one

and makes three.

Perfection

in your eyes

is her filled to overflowing

with the abundance of your child.

Body transformed from

one plus one perfect

to a perfection that can

only be seen through the eyes

of the one who’s seed

has taken root within her.

Breasts laden.

Stomach enlarged.

What another may see as

defect in the making

You see as ultimate

and pure perfection.

For she is yours.

Your boulevard to

completion.

For her one 

plus your one

equals heart’s three.

Nekisha CD Lewis 30.1.2012

I Ache For You

Desire grips my body with a fierceness

that demands the attention of my every being.

Convulsing in a series of

wants, needs, aches, yearning

for that thing called you.

Not your body, you

But you, YOU.

My eyes desire to stare into yours

and send unspoken messages straight into the depth of your soul.

My fingers desire to trail over your flesh

and let my feelings for you be felt

in the easiness and tenderness of my touch.

My lips desire to press softly onto yours

and whisper sweet words of everything into you.

My body desires to be clothed in want

for nothing but you.

My heart desires to be injected

with the very fiber of you.

Desiring to love you with a passion

that defies comprehension,

that seeks more than the physical,

that reacts to a simple touch from you

as if you spoke the words of 

Songs of Solomon chapter 8 verse 6,

"Place me like a seal over your heart,

like a seal on your arm;

for love is as strong as death."

I ache for you.

I ache for the chance to

make love not only to your body

but to your soul.

To fill you to overflowing

with every filament of my being

that you have no desire for anything

but me.

I want you drunk

on the very thought of me.

High

from just the scent of me.

I want to cripple your desires

to only that of me.

I want to fulfill in you

your desires as well as your dreams.

Build a future with you

that embodies the best of WE.

I desire to love you.

Not your body, you

But you, YOU.

NCDL 15.1.12

Letting Go

It was bound to happen;
It was merely a matter

of when

or who first. 

Letting go. 

Feather light touch of fingertips

Soft pressure of lips meeting lips

marks the final contact

of a connection which

was never meant to subsist.

He goes his way...

I go mine. 

Eyes telling a silent story

of an era we spent entangled

in each other's warmth

that meant more to me

than they should have.

Heart sighing at the

imminent  absence

of your presence

which  I allowed to become

my source of comfort

and my retreat of calm. 

Body instantaneously

rebuffing your departure;

Tortured by the knowledge

that it will no longer be

fulfilled by you,

touched by you,

held by you.

Forced to accept that

that which was never

meant to be

has dissolved

like a whisp of thin air.

Letting go. 

My mouth forms an

unspoken goodbye

as my body wills

itself to accept

the whens

the whys.

My heart's heavy

my mind's numb.

I did that which

I knew I shouldn't -

I fell in love with him

in a way that now

jeapodizes my sanity.

I have to let him go.

It was bound to happen;

It was merely a matter
of when
or who first. 

Nekisha CD Lewis

14.12.2011

Sweet Caress

His breath

my neck

His words

light caress

Gentle

tenderness.

His love

touches my ear

with an easiness

that embodies

Him.

Him

embedding

his heart

his soul

his being

Into

my heart

my soul

my being.

My love

echoes

that of his

and floats

to his ears

on butterfly wings.

My breath

his neck

Our words

sweet caress.

Nekisha CD Lewis

4.12.11

Kiss

Feather light touch

of lips 
meeting lips.

A gentle caress

of the senses

linking 
one soul

to the depth 
of the other.

Gentle pressure

heightened pleasure.

Tongue.

Lips.

Teeth.

Kiss.

Nekisha CD Lewis

04.12.2011

My Heartstring

Your journey started in a race of 250 million
Yet you won.
The instant you burrowed your way into my ovum 
resulted in the creation of a unique cell that can never be duplicated
Never replicated.
You are your own carbon copy, your very own prototype.
3 weeks of being and you're a blastocyst of rapidly multiplying cells 
Working innumerable miracles approved by Him who sent you.
You're a part of a Master Plan that I cannot yet envision or even comprehend.
Its week 4 and the embryo is in the process of preparing for the creation of your organs and body parts
As tiny as a sesame seed yet holding the potential to become something so remarkably awesome.
By week 6 your presence is cemented as your heart beats twice as much as mine do, 
Tiny hands and feet are developing and your tongue and vocal cords are beginning to form.
How can I deny your being or see you as insignificant?
It takes but six weeks for you to transform from a single sperm cell into a beating heart.
You're alive within me and dependent upon me to survive.
In your 8th week your brains begin to form
You may not be able to comprehend what is happening 
but you're marvelous in your own right.
Wk 13 and your unique set of fingerprints are embedded on your tiny hands
Exclusively yours.
You declare your presence in week 14 by expanding past my pelvic bone as if to say,
"Hello World, see you very soon!"
That same week, thanks to brain impulses, you now have the ability to squint, frown and grimace as you see fit.
France, Germany and Italy says here after you have the right to live...
America says you do not!
Its been 4 months now and your circulatory system is now working as you pump 25 quarts of blood a day.
In month 5 your hearing has developed, you can now hear me singing you lullabies and familiarize yourself with my voice.
Your skeleton is turning from rubbery cartilage to hardened bone, hair sprouts from your scalp and your individual senses are developing. 
You are human. You matter to me.
Month six. 
America says this is my last month to decide if I want to keep you or not. 
After having you grow from a tiny sperm cell to a baby that can hear, move about, give facial expression, whose heart beats...
How can I even consider not bringing you to term at this stage? 
Seven months later and you, my baby, is putting on baby fat and I smile at the thought of it.
My back aches and my feet swells but its a labour of love I am committed to.
For you can now suck your thumb, hiccup, open your eyes and you sleep and wake at regular intervals.
I love you with a fierceness that defies comprehension.
Eight months in and I'm clumsy, short of breath, tired all the time and I can no longer see my toes when I look down,
All the while your lungs have fully developed, you are gaining weight rapidly and have turned in a head down position preparing for your grand entrance.
I can't wait to meet you, my little ball of sunshine.
Its been nine months, a long journey of ups and downs for me, a period of uncertainty for you.
But I love you beyond words and have prepared my heart and life for you.
To love, cherish and protect you I vow
Welcome to the World little one.
Welcome home, my love.

NCD Lewis
8th November 2011

PAIN

They’re pregnant with hurt
By pain’s rebirth.

Showered with lies
Their love slowly dies.

Bodies tattooed with scars
Dying in a prison with people for bars.

Let loosed too many tears
Crippled by their own faults and fears.

Lost all faith
No heartbeat…too late.

Ghostly souls they are
Hatred outweighing love by far.

All light is gone
Feelings no longer form.

Faceless figures they’ve become
Mind, body and soul…all numb.

It’s real, the pain
For trying to heal they are slain.


NCD Lewis

Existing

She peers out at the World
through eyes unseeing,
Lost to the present as is
Trapped in the memory of what never was.

Tanned with a heavy layer of regret
She sits in her chair and looks out 
but sees nothing.

Her children sit on the porch around her feet
Laughing
Playing
Living.

She hears them
Sees them 
Feels their presence.
But she wishes she didn't.

Caught up with how life should have been
Could have been
Had it not been for Him.

He who stole what was rightfully hers to give.

She sits in her chair and peers out at the World
through eyes unseeing,
Lost to the present as is
Trapped in the memory of what should have been.

No longer living
Barely existing.

Jolted back to the present
only by the echoing sound of her youngest
asking, "Mommy, what's for dinner?"

To: Within From: The Almost Mother

*Part III of the 'Almost Trilogy'. Please see the other 2 parts of the series*

Dear Rhain,
Yes, I’ve named you… 
for my love for you is pure, despite your pain.
Begging your forgiveness I’m on my knees
There’s not much I can say so I’m begging PLEASE...
Forgive your foolish momma for not giving you the change to breathe
The chance to grow, the chance of in my arms to feel.
What I’ve stolen from you, baby, I can ne'er repay
My heart is hurting so bad I can’t find the words to say…
Sorry doesn’t even begin to express my ache
Ridding my body of you…for my own pride’s sake.
But what is public opinion compared to the right to live?
One should never take what they cannot give!
LIFE – just four letters…but means EVERYTHING
Lord I pray you’re riding on an angel’s wing.
I’m hoping you’re able to forgive me for this dreadful wrong
No matter how long it takes “forgive me” will always be on my tongue.
See, I’m not expecting you to understand my pain
For I forfeited a lifetime of love from you with nothing gained.
Baby, you don’t know the agony that I went thru
In the end I knew my life would be better - without you.
For I know the feel of hunger, neglect and public shame
And for my own child I didn’t want the same.
I knew I wasn’t ready but still I did the crime
But in the end, baby, I just couldn’t do the time.
In silence I tell myself that I had no choice
When it came to responsibility your Father instantly lost his voice.
I’m so sorry, baby, but love just isn’t enough to raise a child these days
So I cry for me as I will never get to see your tiny face.
I’ll never feel the warmth of your body pressed close to mine
I’ll never hear you laugh or see your little beady eyes shine.
I’ll never kiss your cheek and feel your love tingling on my lips
Or feel the pleasure of soothing your fears with my fingertips.
Baby, I can’t explain the hurt that I’m going through
All I can say is…I did this for you.
So again I beg, forgive me…for not heeding your silent plea
“Momma, how can you even think to do this to me?”

- Your Almost Mother

Dear Momma,

I hear your cry and I even feel the strength of your pain
But at the end of it all...it’s been everything lost but nothing gained.
You have no one else but yourself to blame
And for that, of you…I die in shame.

- Your Almost Child

NCD Lewis

Revised 2011

Almost Father

*Part II of the 'Almost Trilogy'. Please see the other 2 parts of the series*


She tells you after its already been done 
How she've committed an unforgivable wrong; 
And you see it in her eyes that she ain't lying 
But all you can feel is the pain of your unborn child dying. 
Her voice barely a whisper, choked with shame 
And you see yourself choosing his or her's first name. 
In her eyes you see a pool of emptiness colored with regret 
In your mind you envision your child taking its first breath. 
They're swollen and red, evidence of how much she've wept 
You see tiny feet taking their first steps. 
Her words spins your mind into a web of torment 

And into the sea of loss my heart instantly went. 
As I try to unmemorize the date 
And not count the coming years as mised birthdays. 
I try to erase from memory the very knowledge of knowing 
And steel the emotions that are violently growing. 
What else can I do but sit still - stunned 
Willing my body to accept whats already been done. 
Trying not to think about the word 'father' 
Refusing to believe that I've just lost a son or maybe a daughter. 
I've been robbed...cheated...now what's an Almost Father to do? 
Women, do you think abortion affects only you? 

N.C.D. Lewis
2005/2006